Opening Ceremony in Warp Speed

We have now discovered the only way to watch the Olympic Opening Ceremony - fast forward. We Tivo-ed the shindig (all 4.5 hours of it) and watched it a couple of days later. Wow, that was actually fun, as opposed to the usual pain and misery.

First off, we skipped the hour and a half of preliminary babbling that Bob Costas and Co. would have otherwise forced upon us. Calling that part of the Opening Ceremony would be like calling the 47 hours of "Pre-Game Coverage" part of the Super Bowl. At least the networks have the decency to label that a separate program. But not so with NBC and the Olympics.

Second, we skipped the endlessly repeated commercials. 'Nuff said.

Third, we could leap through the inevitable "high-art" concept pieces involving dancing men with mohawks and inordinantly tight body suits, women with bizarre, French Royal Court inspired wigs and huge skirts, occasionally containing other women, and whatever other rubbish some fashion designer created during an opium fever dream. I don't know why every single Olympic Game thinks this sort of drivel is required, but the last 5 or so I can think of have featured some variation.

Fourth, we could watch the countries marching in to at least double-time. Nothing against all that, but it's usually a wee bit boring.

This may lead you to ask the question, "Why, exactly, did you bother watching the Opening Ceremony if you didn't like any of it?" Well, Signor Cynic, we actually did like a decent chunk. The ski jumper made of humans was incredibly cool, as were the spider people, and, of course, Luciano Pavarotti, who, unlike everyone else involved with singing, was clearly not lip-syncing.

I miss the good old days, when we watched the Olympics on German TV, which would show every single competitor, regardless of their likelihood of winning or being part of the home team. Americans are vain and plagued with short-attention spans, but I still think NBC does a pretty pathetic job with the Olympics.